I see many sad faces all around me. They have laid off some 500 employees. Some employees who have been working for 15 20 years. Many of them are updating resumes those have not been touched for ages now. They are remembering what all they have done in past years, blowing off the dust from their memories and putting them down on paper. It is really hard. It is difficult definitely to prepare resumes, it is harder to prepare after so many years. Not only these moments challenges one's memory but also pretty emotional as well.
How am I impacted by all this emotional hurricane passing by me? I feel responsible for this somehow. I know there are so many reasons for the current employment situation, national, international, economical, political, etc. But at the end of day on center stage two protagonists, one leaving one taking his place. I and probably people like me are part of this drama. Hence I am impacted. I don't like if someone is getting hurt because of me in anyway. May be not the whole truth. Let me put it in this way, I don't like when I think someone is hurt by me in anyway. And why am I thinking, there is this under current of hatred flowing in the atmosphere, no not in the office but everywhere. That is what bugging me.
I just stepped out of my room (we sit in a conf room FYI) and glanced around. The faces are not sad to be exact. Yes sorrow is there in the eyes but most of them looks like as if they have accepted the turn of fate. Not that they have much choice practically, but you can tell from one's facial expression whether they have gladly accepted, simply acquiesced or temporarily keeping the emotion under control to burst at a different time or at a different place.
Nevertheless, I feel and may be I am part of this grand fiasco. I have come to make myself believe in my lengthy years of learning that what I feel is not correct has much chance not to be correct and there is no point pursuing that particular cause. Now me being part of this not feeling so correct cause what will I stop pursuing.
Not sure as always.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
my Parthenon
I flunked another exam today... not a big deal... I am pretty infamous for flunking exams... I have flunked many exams... no no don't get me wrong, my academic record is unscathed from these blows... I was a good student in the school and even after school... in fact I believe I am still... I mean I like to learn...
But exams were pain then as they are now... To get something right in the exam I should have derived, experimented or analyzed it myself. And these processes should have interested me and then only I could replicate the same output inside the exam hall. I normally take the same logical steps in my mind or on the rough sheets or for that matter on the exam paper itself (if it is descriptive answer type question) to reach the answer. in school I used to like maths and in fact used to perform fairly good in it... not because I am good at numbers, but just because they are so logical... If your previous step is correct and your current supporting information are adequate the output is going to be same all the time. My high school math teacher, who was one of the first few to incorporate free thinking in me, used get really mad if someone just memorized something because it was there in the pages of text book. you wont believe, I used to do pretty decent in History because I used to remember the sequences of events in order of their appearances and as a part of some romantic or thriller novel. Yes, you bet, I never remembered the dates, years and was sadden by not finding any mention of Anarkali :( ... again dates used to be just an intelligent guess if asked in multiple choice type question.. In fact I learnt high school Economics in a method of story telling and listening as well. My masi was a reader in Economics and she used to create so lively examples that it was impossible to forget... law of diminishing marginal utility and eating rasgulla... Geography was the one where I really struggled, may be because I could not get much intimate with the flora and fauna of mother nature. But of course, never flunked. Then in Inter came Biology. I loved Biology. People used to crib about memorizing so many stuff... but I used to like comparing every living being with another... that was so much fern :P ... And there was explanation of reproductive system... I think in India that is as far as we can go on technical sex education. But at least with that enlightenment I could imagine what the omniscient sages in Himalaya might be feeling. Then came the big bang Computer Science. It was a two edged sword, that is to say it intrigued our logical and scientific grey cells through its theory and challenged our tendons and sinews by its applications.... it was new and it was fast expanding... IT was illuminating a spectrum of colors like a prism and opening in front of us thousands of colorful ways and was asking us to chose our favorite color... Not sure where I left IT and fallen into dark webs of IT Services... no one knows....
Back to flunking exams... those exams I normally flunk which I appear for the sake of passing... most competitive exams, to get into MBBS, BTech, BCA, MBA, MCA, thisA, thatA courses... oh I have a long list... might be I was unable show them what they were looking for in me, or might be I really did not have them in me... doesn't matter, because I really had a great time preparing for them... of course I burnt lot of my father's, brother's and my money going to those blood sucking coaching classes... but those were fun time, i tell you... but fun or no fun I could not get a grip of all those competitions... I am sure my parents knew it long ago... but whenever I would ask for a new class they never said no... and whenever I flunked another entrance exam my father will get sad though he would not show it... and my mother would tell 'don't worry, next time, because failure is the pillar of...' and would leave it for me to complete the sentence or just simply in the void... and after a long list of pillars I started replying that there was no roof to this structure which looked like the Greek Parthenon (of course in its current state) and we both would laugh till tears in our eyes... God bless them... where would I be if they did not support me when I was building one after another pillar... ok..I have to tell my mom that there is another addition today to her son's Parthenon have some laugh...
everyone be happy and keep building your Parthenon, someday Goddess Athena might really bless it... amen....
PS: I just checked in wiki and Athena is the goddess of civilization, wisdom, strength, strategy, craft, justice and skill in Greek mythology... is it coincidence... too much
But exams were pain then as they are now... To get something right in the exam I should have derived, experimented or analyzed it myself. And these processes should have interested me and then only I could replicate the same output inside the exam hall. I normally take the same logical steps in my mind or on the rough sheets or for that matter on the exam paper itself (if it is descriptive answer type question) to reach the answer. in school I used to like maths and in fact used to perform fairly good in it... not because I am good at numbers, but just because they are so logical... If your previous step is correct and your current supporting information are adequate the output is going to be same all the time. My high school math teacher, who was one of the first few to incorporate free thinking in me, used get really mad if someone just memorized something because it was there in the pages of text book. you wont believe, I used to do pretty decent in History because I used to remember the sequences of events in order of their appearances and as a part of some romantic or thriller novel. Yes, you bet, I never remembered the dates, years and was sadden by not finding any mention of Anarkali :( ... again dates used to be just an intelligent guess if asked in multiple choice type question.. In fact I learnt high school Economics in a method of story telling and listening as well. My masi was a reader in Economics and she used to create so lively examples that it was impossible to forget... law of diminishing marginal utility and eating rasgulla... Geography was the one where I really struggled, may be because I could not get much intimate with the flora and fauna of mother nature. But of course, never flunked. Then in Inter came Biology. I loved Biology. People used to crib about memorizing so many stuff... but I used to like comparing every living being with another... that was so much fern :P ... And there was explanation of reproductive system... I think in India that is as far as we can go on technical sex education. But at least with that enlightenment I could imagine what the omniscient sages in Himalaya might be feeling. Then came the big bang Computer Science. It was a two edged sword, that is to say it intrigued our logical and scientific grey cells through its theory and challenged our tendons and sinews by its applications.... it was new and it was fast expanding... IT was illuminating a spectrum of colors like a prism and opening in front of us thousands of colorful ways and was asking us to chose our favorite color... Not sure where I left IT and fallen into dark webs of IT Services... no one knows....
Back to flunking exams... those exams I normally flunk which I appear for the sake of passing... most competitive exams, to get into MBBS, BTech, BCA, MBA, MCA, thisA, thatA courses... oh I have a long list... might be I was unable show them what they were looking for in me, or might be I really did not have them in me... doesn't matter, because I really had a great time preparing for them... of course I burnt lot of my father's, brother's and my money going to those blood sucking coaching classes... but those were fun time, i tell you... but fun or no fun I could not get a grip of all those competitions... I am sure my parents knew it long ago... but whenever I would ask for a new class they never said no... and whenever I flunked another entrance exam my father will get sad though he would not show it... and my mother would tell 'don't worry, next time, because failure is the pillar of...' and would leave it for me to complete the sentence or just simply in the void... and after a long list of pillars I started replying that there was no roof to this structure which looked like the Greek Parthenon (of course in its current state) and we both would laugh till tears in our eyes... God bless them... where would I be if they did not support me when I was building one after another pillar... ok..I have to tell my mom that there is another addition today to her son's Parthenon have some laugh...
everyone be happy and keep building your Parthenon, someday Goddess Athena might really bless it... amen....
PS: I just checked in wiki and Athena is the goddess of civilization, wisdom, strength, strategy, craft, justice and skill in Greek mythology... is it coincidence... too much
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Hungry
Somedays back I saw this movie Julie and Julia. I liked it for two things.
One they were talking about food... :) food food all the time... Even Julie was staying over a pizzeria. I know I know, junk foods are not counted, but I like junk food as well. Talking about food that I like, let me tell you my choices of cuisines. I like Turkish or Mediterranean cuisine, Schezwan... and desi Indian cuisine of course. In Indian, I like.. hmmm let me think.. I like almost all... so let me tell what I dont.. I dont like food the stereotype food from the stereotype restaurants. But like all regional dishes. But the best ever food I tasted is at home. I know all of you will agree. I used to savour those simple Bhaat, Daal, Ghee and Papad bhaja in my childhood. sigh. Coming back to the point the above movie was full of food. Not that I am a big fan of French cuisine but nevertheless the food they were preparing were looking delicious. Will like to try some of them definitely someday. Addition to the delight of eating, watching good food I also like the food preparation process. Being it exact amount of masala in mutton biryani or exact setting of temperature in beef bourguignon or the simple grinding of masala, the mixing of dough, the chopping of vegetables.. everything.. the precision and the approximation coming together to prepare a single scrumotuous dish is like... is like sheer romance. Ahem, ahem... ok ok got a little bit carried away, but believe me it is real bliss for all your senses when the phulka puffs up or the cake spread the smell or the parantha melts in your mouth or the tortillas make the crunchy munchy sounds. Heaven. And perhaps for this reason I like all those movies related to food... Ratatouille, No reservations, Chini kum... Julie and Julia.
Second, that i liked, is the concept. Julie sets a target for herself. Not like earning million dollars. Not like writing 7 books of Harry Potter. Just simple honest 'Copy' of her favorite cooks dishes within a deadline. And the whole thing gives her life a new dimension... altogether new. Ya she puts it in a blog, people starts reading it, she becomes obsessed and finally she becomes famous. Those are just the side products but the main outcome is her love for food and her favourite cook, isn't it?
Talking about targets normally takes away my appetite but here it just made me hungry... Lets see what we have today...
Bon appétit
One they were talking about food... :) food food all the time... Even Julie was staying over a pizzeria. I know I know, junk foods are not counted, but I like junk food as well. Talking about food that I like, let me tell you my choices of cuisines. I like Turkish or Mediterranean cuisine, Schezwan... and desi Indian cuisine of course. In Indian, I like.. hmmm let me think.. I like almost all... so let me tell what I dont.. I dont like food the stereotype food from the stereotype restaurants. But like all regional dishes. But the best ever food I tasted is at home. I know all of you will agree. I used to savour those simple Bhaat, Daal, Ghee and Papad bhaja in my childhood. sigh. Coming back to the point the above movie was full of food. Not that I am a big fan of French cuisine but nevertheless the food they were preparing were looking delicious. Will like to try some of them definitely someday. Addition to the delight of eating, watching good food I also like the food preparation process. Being it exact amount of masala in mutton biryani or exact setting of temperature in beef bourguignon or the simple grinding of masala, the mixing of dough, the chopping of vegetables.. everything.. the precision and the approximation coming together to prepare a single scrumotuous dish is like... is like sheer romance. Ahem, ahem... ok ok got a little bit carried away, but believe me it is real bliss for all your senses when the phulka puffs up or the cake spread the smell or the parantha melts in your mouth or the tortillas make the crunchy munchy sounds. Heaven. And perhaps for this reason I like all those movies related to food... Ratatouille, No reservations, Chini kum... Julie and Julia.
Second, that i liked, is the concept. Julie sets a target for herself. Not like earning million dollars. Not like writing 7 books of Harry Potter. Just simple honest 'Copy' of her favorite cooks dishes within a deadline. And the whole thing gives her life a new dimension... altogether new. Ya she puts it in a blog, people starts reading it, she becomes obsessed and finally she becomes famous. Those are just the side products but the main outcome is her love for food and her favourite cook, isn't it?
Talking about targets normally takes away my appetite but here it just made me hungry... Lets see what we have today...
Bon appétit
Monday, February 1, 2010
homesickness
today i am not well... body ache, fever... may be due to frequent weather change... took sick leave... on monday... it suppose to be a good thing... leave on monday... i remember how we used to think that someday we will just sleep late and not wake up and call for leave, even one day we will quit on monday just like that (talking about quitting i have had not the guts to quit my first job for last 6 or more years, so the above statement remains in the wish list only). but today i was really not well. if you ask my friends they will laugh and say tell me one day when he is well... he he-- not funny, stop grinning... apart from being not well spent some good hours to get something done which did not work out, prepared tea (which i think i know how i like it hence can prepare accordingly) which tasted more like milk (yuck) than tea... over and all was a lousy day...
in these lousy days i get home sick... ya ya i know i am too old to be home sick, but i guess everyone irrespective of age has the right to be home sick... but thinking of homesickness i dont crave for things that i like that i am missing now a days away from home, rather some kind of fear start lurking behind about not getting ever those thing that i like in general... which scary, i tell you... its kind of helplessness i cannot describe... let me not scare you more talking about my fear-psychosis... going on a tangent... there is this guy in my team... very young and attached to home... calls parents everyday... so that both party dont miss each other much... i gather he is the only son... and it is good to see how he is attached to his family, but is scary as well... to much of attachment... recently his parents visited him and he was very happy and when they left this guy is really sad and drawn himself into a cocoon... does not go out with friends... doesnt want to be in groups... wants to be left alone. i know the feeling some how, i don know why i know, but i know... and i know the only way to get out of this is a good friend... and i remember someone telling (not in the exact words) when you are sad and getting into dip good friend is like a faithful dog who will not let you be alone whatever you do - shout kick throw, he will come back to you and support you... and this guy i dont think have a good friend around here who can behave like a dog without self respect for few moments at least till he releases his blocked emotion and become normal... i want to help, but i think i am not in the trusted sphere of his yet. anyway! he is a grown up kid, he will learn, may be the hard way, may be will hurt himself and find the cure or may be will learn to endure the pain. i wish him all the best...
i always wanted to convince my self by explaining that missing all those old days is a good thing, i should be happy and grateful to someone that i got all those good days to remember and miss... thank you everyone
in these lousy days i get home sick... ya ya i know i am too old to be home sick, but i guess everyone irrespective of age has the right to be home sick... but thinking of homesickness i dont crave for things that i like that i am missing now a days away from home, rather some kind of fear start lurking behind about not getting ever those thing that i like in general... which scary, i tell you... its kind of helplessness i cannot describe... let me not scare you more talking about my fear-psychosis... going on a tangent... there is this guy in my team... very young and attached to home... calls parents everyday... so that both party dont miss each other much... i gather he is the only son... and it is good to see how he is attached to his family, but is scary as well... to much of attachment... recently his parents visited him and he was very happy and when they left this guy is really sad and drawn himself into a cocoon... does not go out with friends... doesnt want to be in groups... wants to be left alone. i know the feeling some how, i don know why i know, but i know... and i know the only way to get out of this is a good friend... and i remember someone telling (not in the exact words) when you are sad and getting into dip good friend is like a faithful dog who will not let you be alone whatever you do - shout kick throw, he will come back to you and support you... and this guy i dont think have a good friend around here who can behave like a dog without self respect for few moments at least till he releases his blocked emotion and become normal... i want to help, but i think i am not in the trusted sphere of his yet. anyway! he is a grown up kid, he will learn, may be the hard way, may be will hurt himself and find the cure or may be will learn to endure the pain. i wish him all the best...
i always wanted to convince my self by explaining that missing all those old days is a good thing, i should be happy and grateful to someone that i got all those good days to remember and miss... thank you everyone
Friday, January 29, 2010
so here i am
sorry guys, was getting adjusted to a new environment new project new client new place new ppl... and you wont believe getting out of your own cocoon is so very hard... but i think i did make it... finally... took me around mmm almost 4 and half months... but 4 and half months are small against 5 and half years, wont you agree?
now you may ask how did i know i am back few features that had appeared and routine that has been altered in recent past are getting into place by gradually fading and gradually becoming a routine again respectively ( i some how like the word 'respectively' from i dont know when, it just used to amaze and still amazing me by linking first to first and second to second so effortlessly, anyways).
I am cooking... my old favorites and my new experiments
I am painting... completed two new ones.. not so great... but i liked them.. a lot.. will tell you some other day why
I am taking coffee breaks... yes i had stopped going down to a great cup of coffee
my back has stopped paining due to a straight spine... yes when i am tense my spine become straight my whole body become rigid and my back starts to ache... i am better now, thank you for asking :)
so here i am...
will try to keep you posted... what i am doing and what i am not
made banana pudding today :P
now you may ask how did i know i am back few features that had appeared and routine that has been altered in recent past are getting into place by gradually fading and gradually becoming a routine again respectively ( i some how like the word 'respectively' from i dont know when, it just used to amaze and still amazing me by linking first to first and second to second so effortlessly, anyways).
I am cooking... my old favorites and my new experiments
I am painting... completed two new ones.. not so great... but i liked them.. a lot.. will tell you some other day why
I am taking coffee breaks... yes i had stopped going down to a great cup of coffee
my back has stopped paining due to a straight spine... yes when i am tense my spine become straight my whole body become rigid and my back starts to ache... i am better now, thank you for asking :)
so here i am...
will try to keep you posted... what i am doing and what i am not
made banana pudding today :P
Thursday, June 25, 2009
event less days
I have been returning to this screen many times... sitting down to write something... getting ready to share something... but then there is a long pause... a pause somewhere inside the cluttered corners of my mind... such a strong silence that sometime starts sounding like a noisy train fast approaching, some other time a long monotonous beep. Result some more blank un-published pages.
I am overloaded with work. No, not that I am cribbing, I have created this situation for myself probably. Or the feeling of eventlessness has driven me to fill my calendar with useless events. Useless, because I feel I am not meant for this profession, or I am wasting something else by doing what I am doing. But than I am not bad at what I am doing. And I am not able to make myself believe that I will not be bad at what I think I like doing. Also I am not very sure what I like so that makes it rather more difficult to convince myself that I should stop what I am doing and start to do what I like doing. So in this sheer confusion of likes and dislikes I keep on dumping in my calendar. It so happens sometime that I find myself not able to finish all the committed tasks, hence the initial statement; I am overloaded with work.
I am not having those long pointless discussions that I used to like. After many months, probably many years, yesterday I had some argument on some out of the world topic that concerns no news channel or news paper (of course I meant website and oh! for that matter CNN Asia cares more about Iran’s internal fighting than US subway crash, I wonder) And I felt really breathing. After long time I searched a meaning of a word in Google that had finally become the star of the contentions. I remember long time back me and my friends used to discuss, argue, disagree and fight on anything and everything. In fact some arguments were so grave that they suddenly would transform to our religion, belief, practice and what not that we had been following time indefinite. And some of our own arguments were so frivolous that it would blow off our own convictions.
But gone are those days. Now the days are full of events and life is event less.
I am overloaded with work. No, not that I am cribbing, I have created this situation for myself probably. Or the feeling of eventlessness has driven me to fill my calendar with useless events. Useless, because I feel I am not meant for this profession, or I am wasting something else by doing what I am doing. But than I am not bad at what I am doing. And I am not able to make myself believe that I will not be bad at what I think I like doing. Also I am not very sure what I like so that makes it rather more difficult to convince myself that I should stop what I am doing and start to do what I like doing. So in this sheer confusion of likes and dislikes I keep on dumping in my calendar. It so happens sometime that I find myself not able to finish all the committed tasks, hence the initial statement; I am overloaded with work.
I am not having those long pointless discussions that I used to like. After many months, probably many years, yesterday I had some argument on some out of the world topic that concerns no news channel or news paper (of course I meant website and oh! for that matter CNN Asia cares more about Iran’s internal fighting than US subway crash, I wonder) And I felt really breathing. After long time I searched a meaning of a word in Google that had finally become the star of the contentions. I remember long time back me and my friends used to discuss, argue, disagree and fight on anything and everything. In fact some arguments were so grave that they suddenly would transform to our religion, belief, practice and what not that we had been following time indefinite. And some of our own arguments were so frivolous that it would blow off our own convictions.
But gone are those days. Now the days are full of events and life is event less.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul jaao
Subah subah
...
All her life she loved him. Loved him like some mad women. Without caring the taunts from the society, never giving in to the insults of her family, she kept on loving him. She was one of many who ever loved him, and perhaps all of the others loved him like mad as well. But why would she care, she always knew he was his. Just it was a matter of time and she would be his forever. Till one fine morning when without a formal farewell without a final word without anything he left. Left forever. Left not to come. Left to take greater responsibilities, far great than some mundane love. Never to set his foot on this soil again. Never to look back, never to think of her again… never
...
Subah subah ka khyaal aaj
Wapas gokul chal mathura raaj
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokul jaaon
...
He was as beautiful and youthful as any human with flesh and blood could be. His eyes, his smile his sound of flute would have made anyone’s heart out of its own control. She was drawn like some honey bee to the nectar of flower. She risked everything in her life and drawn towards this intoxicating attraction. And he had not stopped or protested. He had given his full self in to her. He had become a part of her and being part of had driven her and driven her insane. But then, insanity was the word describing events and attributes beyond the cognition of people claiming to be normal. And that was love. At least that was what love for her.
...
Manohar vesh chhod nand raaj
Sar se utaarke sundar taaj
Raj dand chhod bhumi par vaaj
Phir kaahe baansuri bajaao
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokul jaao
...
...
But that was yesterday, that was past, past like something kept deep down inside the chest locked forgotten, rather lost. She had wept for hours, days, all the tears draining out her hope with them. She realized and stopped shedding any more tears in the hope that some of the hope will still remain within. But by passing of years the stagnant hope has become rotten and septic. Her life as every other life had moved on. Not because she wanted but because life could not stand still for years on the base of some rotting hope. And it decided to move on taking along with itself, her. She has today a position in the society. How minuscule might it be, but she has it. She is a wife, she is a mother. And she is moving on without a sign of yesterday. As it has been long locked inside the chest and forgotten, at least pretended to be forgotten in this act of moving on.
...
Tumhari piriya ab puri gharvaali
Doodh navan ghivoo din bhar khaali
Biraha ke aansoon kab ke, ho kab ke ponch daali
...
Then why now? Why after so many years? Why you want to ruin everything by giving me hope? Why put life into my already dead self which is moving on as it should, why? Hadn’t I had enough, or something yet you want me to suffer. Why you want me to love you again and loose you?
...
Phir kaahe dard jagaao
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul jaao
...
...
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul jaao
...
All her life she loved him. Loved him like some mad women. Without caring the taunts from the society, never giving in to the insults of her family, she kept on loving him. She was one of many who ever loved him, and perhaps all of the others loved him like mad as well. But why would she care, she always knew he was his. Just it was a matter of time and she would be his forever. Till one fine morning when without a formal farewell without a final word without anything he left. Left forever. Left not to come. Left to take greater responsibilities, far great than some mundane love. Never to set his foot on this soil again. Never to look back, never to think of her again… never
...
Subah subah ka khyaal aaj
Wapas gokul chal mathura raaj
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokul jaaon
...
He was as beautiful and youthful as any human with flesh and blood could be. His eyes, his smile his sound of flute would have made anyone’s heart out of its own control. She was drawn like some honey bee to the nectar of flower. She risked everything in her life and drawn towards this intoxicating attraction. And he had not stopped or protested. He had given his full self in to her. He had become a part of her and being part of had driven her and driven her insane. But then, insanity was the word describing events and attributes beyond the cognition of people claiming to be normal. And that was love. At least that was what love for her.
...
Manohar vesh chhod nand raaj
Sar se utaarke sundar taaj
Raj dand chhod bhumi par vaaj
Phir kaahe baansuri bajaao
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokul jaao
...
...
But that was yesterday, that was past, past like something kept deep down inside the chest locked forgotten, rather lost. She had wept for hours, days, all the tears draining out her hope with them. She realized and stopped shedding any more tears in the hope that some of the hope will still remain within. But by passing of years the stagnant hope has become rotten and septic. Her life as every other life had moved on. Not because she wanted but because life could not stand still for years on the base of some rotting hope. And it decided to move on taking along with itself, her. She has today a position in the society. How minuscule might it be, but she has it. She is a wife, she is a mother. And she is moving on without a sign of yesterday. As it has been long locked inside the chest and forgotten, at least pretended to be forgotten in this act of moving on.
...
Tumhari piriya ab puri gharvaali
Doodh navan ghivoo din bhar khaali
Biraha ke aansoon kab ke, ho kab ke ponch daali
...
Then why now? Why after so many years? Why you want to ruin everything by giving me hope? Why put life into my already dead self which is moving on as it should, why? Hadn’t I had enough, or something yet you want me to suffer. Why you want me to love you again and loose you?
...
Phir kaahe dard jagaao
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul jaao
...
...
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul jaao
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